


Lean on Me

by letmeputuonhold, Mj (letmeputuonhold)



Series: Woosan fics [3]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School/college au, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Choi San is Whipped, Comforting female friend, Depression, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Physical Abuse, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Suicide Attempt, conforting Asexual friend, i promise it'll get better, san saves him tho, someone help wooyoung, wait nvm - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25673842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmeputuonhold/pseuds/letmeputuonhold, https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmeputuonhold/pseuds/Mj
Summary: Wooyoung struggles with depression and abuse. His two best friends help him through it. Will his relationship with San deepen into more?
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Woosan - Relationship
Series: Woosan fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867243
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> qrqgqergsgwergwtw4serg I suck @ summaries im sorry.  
> So, if you've ever read any of my writing before you'll know that I have a tendancy to write pretty depressing shit. If that is at all triggering for you, please don't read this.  
> I promise a happy ending.
> 
> This is what I listened to writing this (dont judge my music tastes) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6q1ssW9xWCDwCuAjhz1naV

"Wooyoung." The word was deathly calm, which meant one thing- He was angry. I looked up, shaking, wondering what I'd done this time.

"You're gay." The flat hatred in his voice is nothing new, but the accusation was.

I gasp and stumble backward as he stalks toward me, like a lion toward a mouse. And I can't speak, can't move, because all that's running through my head is _fuckfuckfuck how did he find out_

 _He's literally going to kill me._ The thought is calm, accepting. I'd been afraid of it before, but now there's truly no question. I am literally about to die.

"Godammit why can't you just be fucking normal. That's all I ask. A fucking normal son with normal fucking ambitions!"

_The belt snaps again, and i fall. This time I can't drag myself back to my feet._

_"Get out of my house." He spits venomously, and I stare up at him in bewilderment._

_"Out!! Now!"_

_I stumble out the door, heading to the one place i know I'll be safe._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry!! I didn't wanna hurt Wooyoung it just kinda happened.  
> Next chapter'll be better.


	2. Chapter 2

I stumble up to the door, knowing she'll be awake, even if it is 2 am.

_I open the door, knowing only one person would be on my doorstep at 2 AM._

"Wooyoung, Hey." Her voice is soft, like always. I stumble inside, and she heads for the first aid kit in the bathroom.

"H-he threw me out."

She stops, turning back to look at me.

I laugh, and it's strange, Maniacal. 

"He kn-knows I'm gay. That's why."

I see her face crumple a little, and she turns around completely, hugging me gently so as not to press into the welts on my back.

"Hey, it's ok. You can stay with me as long as you need too. San's been looking for someone to help out at the cafe."

I nod, blearily. I vaguely remember her bandaging my back, and falling into a soft bed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wooyoung almost jumps, when a red-haired stranger gets in his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter has a lot of depression and/or Suicide. Please don't read if this could be at all triggering for you.

_1 week later._

My father disowned me, which meant I lost all my friends. Everyone except for Eunjung. She's stuck by my side, helping me heal. I know how much it will hurt her, but I don't see any other answer.

I'm sick of the pain, I'm sick of the hatred. I'm sick of fighting. I want it over.

Somehow, I found myself on the roof. I can see the sun slowly falling behind the trees, the sky washed with pinks and purples and oranges. Beautiful.

I don't deserve it.

I exhale, slowly walking forward to the edge of the roof and climbing over the railing. That's when I realize I'm not alone. There's a boy, sitting with his legs dangling off the edge like a child. His hair is highlighted with red streaks that match the welts on my back. "Hey."

"H-hey?" I didn't mean to phrase it as a question, but that's how it came out. He smirks a little."I'm Choi San"

San. The name sounds familiar for some reason. "Wooyoung. What are you doing here? _And when will you leave so I can do what needs to be done?"_

He smiles sadly. " I come up here sometimes, wonder what would've happened if I'd actually jumped."

"Why would you? You probably had a full life in front of you, a family that loved you, maybe a girlfriend." I can't help the bitter tone of my voice.

He laughs, and it's almost ominous. "My entire family's dead. I had no-one left."

"No friends?"

"Not then."

"So why didn't you?"

"There was already somebody here. She told me all the reasons she hadn't jumped. Told me about everything I would be missing out on. She helped me pull my life back together.

What about you, Wooyoung? Family, Girlfriend, life?"

It's my turn to grin savagely.

"Mom's dead, Father threw me out because I'm gay. I don't really have much of a life worth living."

"Friends?"

"One. Eunjung's always taken care of me, since we met in High school. She patches me up after my Father..." My voice trails off.

He nods, not pitying me, just angry. I can see the rage in his eyes, in the way he clenches his fist.

"Tell me Wooyoung, do you really want to kill yourself?"

The point-blank question takes me by surprise.

"Of course..." My voice is uncertain, even to my own ears. He shifts closer to me, gently taking my hand in his.

"Woo, there is so much more to life than your father. Do you see that sunset. The purples, blues, pinks. Are you really willing to miss out on so much beauty?

There are so many things you have yet to experience. There's a coffee shop at the end of the block with the most amazing mochas. Somewhere out there there's the perfect guy for you, waiting for you to find him. I can feel it."

I don't jump.

He gently lifts me back over the railing and walks me home.


	4. Chapter 4

I don't remember much of the walk home, only really waking up when I find myself on my (temporary) doorstep. 

"H-how did you know where I lived?"

He chuckles wryly. 

"Because I live here too, Wooyoung."

• • •

Ehnjong answers the door, relief flooding her face as she takes in the image of the two of us, me leaning heavily on San’ shoulder. She doesn't pry, doesn't ask a lot of questions. She never does. She just sits me down at the kitchen table, standing over me as I spoon warm Ramen past my shivering lips. A warm weight drapes itself over my shoulders. I look up and watch as San turns away, reaching for a bowl himself, a light blush shimmering on his cheeks. The fluffy blue blanket now folded over my shoulders warms me considerably, and I smile. He smiles back shyly, and Ehnjong just watches, satisfied that we’re all home. Suddenly, it’s all too much. 

I stumble into the bathroom and step into the shower, turning the water up as high as it goes. I wince as the hot water burns into the welts on my back, but I need the numbing heat right now. 

• • •

San

I’m sitting at the kitchen table. Enjung and I are sitting across from each other, simply finding comfort in each other’s presence. I hear the water running in the bathroom and smile, hoping he’ll feel better after a shower.

I’m about to stand up when I feel a sudden pressure on my arm.

I hiss slightly, lifting my sleeve. There are nail marks marring the skin. I watch, horror struck as scrapes slowly run their way up my arms, forming the same way invisible ink comes into sight. They appear the same way the welts appeared on my back 8 days ago. Painless, at least for me.

_Wooyoung._

I stand up and run to the bathroom, kicking down the door when he doesn’t answer my knock. He lies on the floor of the shower, sobbing. And his arms… His arms have marks identical to the ones adorning mine.

• • •

Wooyoung

I don't know how long I sit there, eventually sitting on the floor of the shower while the water cascades over my head. I'm sobbing. Some part of me still wants to jump, to let my lungs fill with the water. Just to slip away.

The door breaks down. I start shaking even more, realizing how broken I've become. How badly _he_ damaged me. I wonder if I’ll ever be normal.

I look down at my arms, at the red welts from my fingernails. Somehow, pain helps. It distracts.

I realize that the arms around me are not Ehnjong’s and tense. San immediately backs up, worry filling his eyes. I shake my head, regretting my fear and wanting nothing more than for me to wrap his arms back around me. He opts to simply hold my hand, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on the scratches down my arms. 

Ehnjong appears in the doorway, holding a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. San gently helps me stand. Ehnjong looks away as he helps me into gray boxers, then coming to steady my other side as I struggle into the clothes she brought.

They bundle me in blankets and we end up cuddling on the bed. They don’t need to hear anything from me. Enjong's head on my shoulder, San’s arm behind me. I feel… safe. Comfortable.

I haven’t felt that way in a long time.

I simply stop thinking. Focus on whatever kdrama’s playing on the TV, and just Be. Feel safe. Feel Home.

For the first time in years, I slip fearlessly into a peaceful sleep.

• • •

Wooyoung’s breathing has evened out while we pretended to watch a movie, and for the first time he actually looks his age. Not worn and abused like an old dog, not full of self- hatred. His eyebrows are smoothed out, his lips evened into a peaceful smile. He looks… Young. Happy. I smile down at him, and find myself pressing a quick, innocent kiss to his forehead.

A quite chuckle echoes in the room, and I look up, my face burning. Of course, Ehnjong saw everything.

“Look at you. You’ve got love written all over your face.” Her voice is fond, and a little amused. “Ahhh, it’s not like that!” I whisper-scream in protest.

Wooyoung sighs and snuggles into my chest. I resist the urge to croon, ignoring the knowing look Ehnjong sends my way. He smells like vanilla and cinnamon. I smile, instinctively snuggling closer to him.

“I just… want to help him. Help him realize how much he means to me, how important he truly is to this world. Help him realize he has a place. I want to help him be confident and realize that he doesn’t deserve all the shit he’s put up with. And, fine. I think I love him. You two mean everything to me. But I’m going to wait until he’s ready. I want him to be fully free before I put any pressure on him.”

“…Oh shit. You really do love him, don’t you?” The words are soft, not really expecting an answer, but I nod anyways, keeping my head buried the green pillows. Warm arms wrap around me, careful not to wake the sleeping Wooyoung, and I melt into them. “I love you, y’know?” Her words are frankly sincere, the way only best friends can sound. “You two are my family more than my parents could ever be. Don’t ever forget that. I’m here for you whenever you need something. AND, I am now making it my mission to get you two together.”

I don’t need to look at her to see the evil grin she has on her face.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> depressing fluff??  
> shit ton of angst?  
> me dealing with m mental illness by writing about depression?  
> yep

I smell lavender, and smile. It’s the same comforting scent that always lingers around Ehnjong’s bed. When I attempt to burrow deeper into the covers, a small grunt of surprise startles my eyes open. I find my face an inch away from San’s. His hair is a mess, red streaks sticking straight, one side of his face a little smushed, like a puppy’s. He smiles cheekily, and I reach out to poke his dimples, feeling a soft smile of my own work it’s way across my face.  
Then it all sinks in. Why are we in Ehnjong’s bed? I sit up, confused. Suddenly, images are on fast-forward through my head. I gasp and lift my sleeve. Three new scratches and countless fingermarks stare back. I squeeze my eyes shut, leaning back into the pillows “Woo…” San’s voice is soft, gentle. It always is. I shake my head; eyes still shut tight. “It’s okay. You can leave. They all do.”  
“Jung Wooyoung.” His voice is so soft and caring, but strong. I’m so surprised my eyes snap open.  
“I am not going to leave. You might have a thing that you are dealing with, but I had the same thing. We all have something. And fuck me if I’m not going to stay by your side and help you deal with this.” I shake my head, still muffled in olive green pillows. “I’m so fucked up.” The voice is barely a whisper in the back of my throat, not meant to be heard. I can barely hear myself, so I’m a little shocked when San sits bolt upright, indignance flashing in his eyes.  
“No. Wooyoung, you are not fucked up. You are a little rough, a little damaged. But so am I.” With that he jerks up his own sleeve, revealing his own scars, 7 slashes up his right arm. My eyes widen, and I gasp. It’s not the scars that shock me. I have just as many. It’s the fact that I have identical ones. Scars I never inflicted on my body.   
I roll up my own sleeve, and lay my arm next to his. They’re identical. 7 scars crossing down the middle, a small burn mark on the right side. I point to the burn mark. “I was in a hurry to make ramen.” He points to the first scar. “ I was 15 when I first started. Took me two years to get through it.”  
I know.   
I remember the date when it first showed up. June 10, 2012. I was in my friend Yeosang’s room playing video games when I felt a trickle of water run over my arm. When I pulled up my sleeve, a new scar stared back up at me.   
I hid it, not sure what it meant or what to do about it.  
Later, I heard about soulmates.

**Author's Note:**

> so... yeah.  
> Kudos and comments mean a lot to me!!  
> thx 4 reading


End file.
